Being the features editor of AutoGuide.com for five years is a great gig, but it has you coming up with story ideas that just might not be ready for the prime time.
For April Fool’s Day, which ironically is also my birthday, I wanted to make sure all my zany ideas were given the attention they deserve.
Here are the Top 25 story ideas rejected by my boss.
“Are exhausts tips the butthole of the car?”
Answering all your anthropomorphic car questions.
“Will autonomous vehicles remove the stigma about sex in cars?”
Will we no longer consider doing it in shady parking lots?
“How big of a hat can you wear in your car?”
I’m calling it, the automobile killed the top hat.
“How many plushy teddy bears can you fit on the rear window shelf?”
Gotta showcase your beanie baby collection on the go.
“Air fresheners: Ranked”
Also, which scents match which car?
“Are junkyards just adoption shelters for cars?”
Ever walk into a junkyard and bond with the first 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier you see? If you don’t take it home, it’ll get crushed!
“If I can trade my browsing data for free email, why can’t I trade my driving data for free gas?”
Sounds like a fair deal.
“If car brands were video game series. Pontiac is Sega”
Would Bugatti be Final Fantasy? Ford the Super Mario Bros?
“Top 10 things that fall out of your pockets while driving in a low sports car”
A serious problem that no one talks about.
“Top 10 questions your passengers will ask you when you’re lost and driving aimlessly”
And how many times can you deflect questions about your navigation skills?
“Should electric cars shock potentials thieves?”
The best theft deterrent!
“Is stitched leather really more luxurious than stapled textiles?”
With exposed rivets being cool, other industrial, steampunk trends are on the way.
“How to properly/improperly tailgate at a football game”
AKA Sami and Dan get beat up at a Buffalo Bills game.
“Top 10 Things We Complain About Auto Shows”
Is the number one item starvation or crappy media room WiFi?
“5 ways to create an international incident from your car”
We can’t be the only ones who have accidentally crossed a border without knowing.
“Cars have races, do they have religion?”
Uhhhh….?
“Are bumpers really meant for bumping?”
For real, it’s EXPENSIVE when you hit something with your bumper!
“Top 10 cars R Kelly was talking about in Ignition”
Certainly nothing with a push button start…
“What kind of song would we get if Prince really liked his Corolla instead of his Corvette?”
Would he still be famous? Would there be EVEN MORE COROLLAS?
“An investigation regarding what Kanye West really has against the RAV4”
For a guy who grew up in Chicago, the Toyota crossover should have been perfect for him. Why is he dissing it?
“Are the world’s best roads under the sea?”
Over 70 percent of the planet is covered by water, the best roads HAVE to be out there!
“Chalkboard or whiteboard covered dashboards would improve in-car productivity 400 percent”
DUH!
ALSO SEE: Best Places in Your Car to Put a Tissue Box
“Forget 0-60 times, we should measure how quick it is to adjust a car’s mirrors and seats”
It really is a far more practical car measurement.
“Cars wash their headlights and windshields, how soon until they can wash themselves entirely?”
Little water jets coming out of every panel!
“Top 10 ways to purge my bad story ideas list”
Happy April Fools Day! Thanks for reading
